So here’s my life story in a tidbit: I was born in Hong
Kong, China. We lived there for a year, then moved to Russia. We lived there
for about a year or two, and then we moved to America, where we lived and
stayed in Potomac for 9 years. When I was 12, and three days after my bat
mitzah, my family made Aliyah to Israel for one year. Or rather, that was the
plan. We ended up staying in Israel an additional 3 years and are currently
living there during the year, and in Vermont during the summers. Almost every
year, I try to go back and see my friends from my shool in MJBHA, in Maryland.
Right now, as I’m writing this, I’m o a 10 hour train back to Brattleboro,
Vermont. Seeing all my old friends was really fun and I think it was a good
thing to do in order to stay in touch, but it made me sad and wistful in some
ways. Like, I cant stop thinking about what and who I would’ve been if we would
have just stayed for one year and then one back to our old house in Maryland.
My life would’ve been completely different, and I cant figure out for the
better or for the worse. Because right now, it’s not like im in the best place
ever. I left the school that everyone expects me to go to till 12th
grade for a big public school with more classes and resources. I know that what
I wanted was to leave Pelech, and I did. But I lost a safe experience, and
being at my old school would’ve guaranteed me a four happy year of high school,
in addition to being in a coed school. And that’s what I would’ve wanted. I was
there for four days, and I managed to talk and
connect with people I wouldn’t have when I was twelve: Aria, Meg,
Yarden, Yaffo, Bex, and more of those people who were actually the most popular
people. And being popular is not the most important thing in the world to me.
Really. But having a couple good, outgoing, and friendly people would have been
a really good thing for me to have right now. And I fit right in. I did. I
mean, people actually wanted to talk to me, and wanted to know what it was like
for me. Even a couple of very cute boys recognized me. And I really liked that
feeling of having a good crowd of friends and a jewish school with a mixed
crowd. And Israel taught me to appreciate that which I missed out on. And for
that and a lot of other reasons, I’m so glad I went to Israel I don’t regret
it, and I don’t regret the person it turned me into…not at all. I like who I
am- maybe I don’t live up to the rest of my family’s standards on a religious
level, but I really do try to be friendly, and I know I am a very nice and
funny person (and modest J)
And I definitely would be the first to admit that If I had stayed in America
for seventh grade, I wouldn’t have bee the same person; because when I left,
there were a lot of internal and external appearances that I needed to change.
Externally, my hair, although long and blond, was frizzy and never brushed. My
teeth were crossed and crooked, I had funny glasses that never blended in, I
was very flat, and had a weird way of dressing; it was very modest without
actually matching anything. I know people go through those awkward years, but
mine had me really immature and not very popular, and I had very weird eating
habits. Internally, I wasn’t really trying to understand people and I was sort
of mean and unfriendly. and that is
EXACTLY how all of my friends remembered me as I left. Or did. Because I left
on that plane and four years later (well I did go once two years ago but that
visit was really short and kind of annoying) I came back and was a beautiful,
wavy, voluminous, and non frizzy hair. My teeth, after a year and a half of
dental work including headgear, retainers, and braces, were done. My braces
were off, they were white, and smile worthy. Glasses were switched for
contacts, and then I got a pair of glasses that I love and wear almost every
day. My skin was flawless due to good and healthy eating habits and no
excessive junk food (except for some daysJ)
Beside from that, I really did grow physically in Israel. I got my period, wore
bras-yes, push up ones too- and had a petite curvy figure. My way of dressing
changed completely and in a kind of rebellious way, and that one also goes to
Israel, because the attitude and general dress influenced me greatly and also
turned me way from a lot. The day all my friends saw me again was a Saturday at
synagogue. I was wearing a tight fitting green ruffled dress that I had gotten
a couple days prior at Nordstrom Rack. It was curve hugging, but not too
revealing. I loved it, and it definitely got attention from some girls, who
asked me where it was from. I was also wearing cool earrings, which is kind of
my obsession, metallic gladiators from Steve Madden that also got a lot of
attention. I wore BB cream, blush, concealer, and Victoria’s Secret body spray.
I know that a lot of girls were talking to me because of how I was dressed, but
I was happy about that. Because I wasn’t trying to impress, not in that way. I
was wearing what I thought was pretty, and that drew attention too, because I
wasn’t flaunting a mini skirt, and I wasn’’t at all embarrassed about wearing
it. And as for internal changes, my friend rated me a ten of ten on that scale.
I was confident and composed, funny but wise, had a lot to talk about with
these girls, even if it was tv shows . The point is, my personality and the way
I dressed completely changed in these four happy golden years (lol) but I think
people notice confidence in a person, and respect it. People wanted to know why
I didn’t come back, boys included. Actually, a bunch of the boys were pretty
awesome. And they were funny and real with me, even though they didn’t have to
be, and I liked that. I really changed. One girl even said I should be a model,
because I was gorgeous, and after that, I just felt like, if I come back now,
it would be so easy. Academic wise, I would have to work really hard, but I
know I could get it. Plus, even though im starting a new school that im psyched
about, I already see that I fit in really good with this crowd. And I mean,
really good. All I would have to do is just get closer to the people that I
mentioned above, and I could really have a place in the class. Hell, if I went
to the school, I am sure I would have a boyfriend from one of the boys I met.
It would just be easy. But…Its also a dream, and a fantasy. Because I cant go
to Maryland and live there now. I don’t have a house there, and I don’t go to
the school. A part of me wants to be there, but I know I cant. Im starting a
new school, in Israel. It will be a lot harder, because I don’t know anyone.
But ill go to the army, and a medical school, and ill be whatever I want to be.
And in living my life, I will probably lose this crowd who I was fitting in so
well with yesterday. I mean, even crazy Rel wanted to meet me. And I am so
thankful to Israel and the people in it for going easy and hard on me, for
knowing fluent almost Hebrew, for gaining confidence and friendships, even if
none of them will matter in a few months. I wouldn’t say I had the best high
school two years of experience; ninth grade sucked, and in tenth grade, I was a
rebel who had principals and teachers wagging their fingers at me from every
corner. I had an imaginary ruler taped to my skirt, and I had to walk through a
hallway full of female teachers giving me disapproving looks and calling me out
and assuming things about me. What actually amazes me is that I could actually
walk out of that still Jewish. Because it was really damn hard. I went through
a really hard time, that I am still going through a little bit. I violated
Shabbat, questioned God, never prayed, and was a bad influence on other people.
But I established who I am, and although my parents had a very hard time
accepting how I dress and how I act, they have more or less realized this is
who I am, and if they try to change me, it might turn into something worse. Of
course my mom and I have our rules about what I could and couldn’t wear. But
it’s clothes I wouldn’t wear anyways, like corsets . I can do that when im in
college if I want.
In the midst of this extremely hard time, I lost my best friend. Its
complicated and mostly my fault. I was in a bad place, ad my insecurity and
jealousy took over, even though I am embarrassed to say that. I was avoiding
her, and she noticed. And maybe I wasn’t fair. Maybe. But she kind of changed
herself, into someone I don’t know if I want to be very good friends with.
Because of a lot of reasons. And I don’t completely understand myself yet, so I
couldn’t say all of them yet. But im going to a new school, and I hope I can
have a good experience there. I really do hope. Because if I cant, my life will
consist of nonstop imagining me at the Hebrew Academy, and how much of a better
time I would have had. So that is the story, however incredibly long and maybe
unimportant. It’s the journey that I went through, where I discovered who I
want to be, where I want to get in my life, who I want to be friends with, and
who I don’t really. I think that I grew so much when I was in Israel, some of
that is definitely good, and some of it certainly not so good. Being there
really changed my view of the world, and my perspective about people and
places, and because of that, I know I am different. But I am a much stronger
person than I ever was. The world will test you from here until Saturday, and
your best chance is to figure out how you are going to deal with the changes
and challenges life throws at you. You can either let it define you, ruin you,
or strengthen you. And I choose not to let it ruin me. So I didn’t get my dream
life in Maryland. But I believe that it is good for me to be in Israel. I have
to believe that I would gain more and be a better person and be more challenged
because I am there, and not here. I just have to figure out a way to live with
it, and I think im off to a good start.
