A lesson in friendship-Learned :)

You know that person in your grade that you can’t stand? The one who challenges you, and pretends to be your friend and have your best interests at heart? Sadly but not so, the one who threw you away for another friend, not even bothering to tell you why.
Maybe you don’t have this kind of a person in your life, I don’t know. But I do know that life is full of challenges, and overcoming them makes you a better and stronger person.
Over the summer, I got into a fight with my best friend. I did in a way see it coming; we talked less and less, and whenever she did talk to me, it was usually to criticize something I did. I was really upset after the Skype call (I was in America, my summer home away from home), and called my good friend (yes) sobbing. I couldn’t even think about what could come next at the time. All I thought was that when I came back, I would be best-friendless.
I realized when I came back how stupid and naïve that thinking was. As soon as I got back to Israel and my house, I saw that I was fine. Better than fine; I was making new friends and stronger relationships at every corner. That girl who lived around the block became my amazingly good friend, and we are really close. Of course I haven’t forgotten about the one who talked to me on the phone after the fight.
I found out that I could really honestly be myself with these girls, the way I could not be with Caroline. It is the second year of high school, and yes, although things are beginning to get serious, there is no reason in hell why having a good time is off the schedule. So that’s what I did.
When I came back to school, it did take a couple days to adjust. But I realized how much fun I was having with my friends who accepted me the way I was, and didn’t try to make me compete with her every second. I also realized that I’m over our summer fight; she can do whatever she wants, say whatever she wants (which coincidentally is talk about me), and I really don’t care; I have too many other friends now. I think we could be friends, but I know too much to take it any further than that.
Tonight my same two friends came over for a surprise visit (we have weekly meetings), and we went upstairs to my deck/roof WHICH HAPPENS TO HAVE blue lights. We sat, talked, danced, and laughed hysterically. We also learned a thing or two about or neighbors, but that’s for another timeJ
Anyway, this is one of the first times I tried writing, and I think I’m going to start doing it every day. I just wanted to write about that little thing in the summer that did make a big difference on me. In the end, I have to thank Caroline, because she made me realize that although our friendship was unhealthy towards the end, and ended badly, I did come out strong, and discovered many new things. As Gym Class Heroes say “this one’s a fighter”
Hasta la Pasta!

A Picture called Reality

A picture really is worth a thousand words. If you look hard at the smiling people, you see that maybe one’s smile is forced. The girl on the side looks bored, like she doesn’t want to be in the picture. And maybe the girl who you thought was you’re closest friend? She’s edging away from the camera, caught mid glance at someone else.
These details might seem unimportant, but they mean everything. Instead of looking at the big picture, look at what’s really there. In front of our faces, yet right under our noses. It doesn’t take a fortune teller to foresee the kind of person one is.
So I’ve been looking at things realistically, but not overanalyzing anything. I’m going with the flow, hanging out with all my friends, and doing some pretty crazy (I know, but still: YOLO) things. I have a special place where I and my other two friends go that no one knows about. It’s a cliff that overlooks the whole western Side of zichron, and I love it. It’s a place that really makes you lie down, stare at the stars, and just think. You feel your problems drift away like the shaped passing clouds. There are more important things than a friendship, and some things are created so that we can get over them.
On a spur of the moment get together with A, and D, which involved some pretty crazy dancing, and the cotton eye Joe, I realized that no matter what, I do have friends that I know, without even having to say it out loud, that these are the people who will have my back whenever I need it. These are the girls who will help me get through tenth grade, get me out of my anxiety, and get me to dance to We are Never Ever getting back together, which is NOT an easy thing to do. Friendships are not the kind of things that need to e announced or updated. Nobody has to post “Status: mega best friends” to tell. There made up of many moments, where without words, you get it. I think it’s one of the best feelings in the world, knowing that people love you for your quirks, flaws, and imperfections. Hiding them just makes the relationship phony.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that this somehow connects back to that one picture. The one you dig up from your bottom drawer, and you automatically put it there because you hair doesn’t look good, or you didn’t like your outfit that day. But I think these are the best ways to tell what and who has changed, and what always stays the same. When I look back at my friends in the photos, I don’t try to pretend that I don’t understand it. Some people never change. They may change their look, style, or opinions, but you can’t change what’s programmed into your brain. And I’m not saying this pessimistically-when I look at that picture, I do see other things. Friends who broke out of their shells, and friends who are just plain fun to be with. Half of the reason I was so stressed last year is to blame on social issues. Since I’ve decided to be the best Hanna I can be, I’ve seen a lot of changes in myself that make me a healthier person.
I just thought I should say this to any of the people who don’t see the details in the peaceful photo; some things are exactly as they seem, others are shockingly false. For anybody out there who is nervous about friends, and peer pressure, know that you are not alone. The key escape route is being 110% honest with yourself, and finding those close friends who really get you. J

Heart in Newtown

I can’t get the fact out of my mind, and I can’t grip onto the realizing that this is reality, that we live in the world we do. That somewhere, a million miles away, a man woke up and decided to end his days, and many other innocent people who have yet to see the world. These kids have yet to have their firs sleepover, birthday trip, boyfriend, and most of all, to just live. Everything in their lives was stripped from them on the day this one man wakes up and decides that it ends today. I can’t even begin to imagine how the parents felt when they were waiting in the parking lot, searching desperately amongst the wave of kids. Searching for a kid who was still in the building, lying in a pool of blood. The blood of heroes. And still people wait for a kid who took his last day at Sandy Hook elementary school. As for the kids who survived this tragedy and were witnesses to their friends shot in front of their eyes, I think about how someone can ever get over a sight like that. No matter how old you are, you will always remember the day the walls went “pop” and you hid in the bathrooms, or ran past the hooded man. And these kids will have to make a choice about how they will live with their grief, something no first, second, third grader or anyone for the matter should ever have to go through.  I just wanted to write this to remember the heroes who died in the school building of Connecticut, Colorado, everywhere in this world where people have faced this situation. You will never be forgotten. Every day, everywhere, there will be parents who put their kids to bed, nd think about how thankful they are that their kid is with them safe. There will be the parents who will try to make their kids forget about their grief, parents who will block it out. And then there are the parents who go to bed early, packing up an empty room, the only thing in sight is the princess lamp peeking out of the cold box. They will lock the door, lose the key, and maybe open it up, if they’re ready. Which may never happen. These kids and their brave teachers deserve a world better than this on, and I know they will get that, if there is a god. And when they are there, nothing can hurt them, and they will live there, watching us deal with our sadness. But they will never be forgotten. Americans everywhere unite as one to face this great tragedy, and even though this will never be able to erase what has happened, there will be another person out there who cares. For those teachers and kids who lost their lives, I cannot even imagine better and braver people. Even though I don’t personally know you, I know that everybody who did know you were very lucky people.