Wake Up Call

I've been wanting to write all of this down for ages; I haven't written since September and that is not good. I promised myself that this year I would write all the time, even if it was just about those random thoughts in my head. Like those plot lines you get in your head and think, wow, this could be the new Divergent. It's probably best I steer clear from talking about the trilogy as I can't seem to do so without crying. LOL. Anyways, these past three months have been pretty interesting, sometimes for the worse and often for the better. I went to a camp, met a guy, managed to still keep in touch with him (though i think of him as a friend and nothing more now), started a new school, walked through doors into completely unknown territory. I didn't know anyone, and I know I could've backed out of it at the last moment. But I also know that if I had done that, and kept going to my old school, there would be problems. And it wouldn't even matter if my friends or relatives judged me for it, because I would have hated myself for not having the guts. I've never been one to be severely depressed, and i'm not on pills, I don't self-harm, and thankfully I have a good life. Sure, there are a million and a half complications, such as what I have to go through with my mom and dad every day about my school. Although, the fact is that alot of my problems have been solved, or are in progress.
If this song by maroon 5 teaches me anything, it's that if you have a problem, you should probably think about rationally solving it first. Before having to "shoot him dead" so he "won't come around here anymore". I should think about solving the problem. In the last 2 months, I have said a couple things that were either untrue or an exaggeration of the truth, and that is something that definately stays with me every day and makes it pretty damn hard to move on from anything, really. The question is, what happens after? Either I can try to take back what I said, or I can become the person my lies depict me as. The first one seems to be the only rational choice; whats the point of living if your life is a lie?
So I'm trying to do just that; be honest, but not reveal too much. Just act like myself. Nobody ever said life was easy, but it is easy to fall down the wrong road. For now, i think my problems can be sorted according to their influence on my life. For example, homework is a problem I am capable of fixing. But then there's one of my main problems, the way I feel about how my family acts toward religion. I wonder if I'll ever be able to get over it. By "it", i mean my total disagreement of how certain things should be done. Unlike my family, i have no problem watching T.V on a saturday. Why?
When I was still going to a religious school and learning about all the stories the bible has to teach, something happened. I don't really know when or how but i guess I just stopped listening. I remember the day my teacher was talking to me about god. I remember telling her that I wasn't even sure there was a god, and if there was, he certainly wasn't watching over my life. Then there was a long pause, a deafening silence, like the moment before the ax swings down, because my teacher didn't even know what to say to me.
And now, I am happier than I was before. Granted, the friend thing is h-a-r-d. But I know that I'm generally a likable person (I know this because I have this game I play called If You Suddenly Died, How Many People Do You Think Would Come To Your Funeral? Morbid. i know..)
This is to be continued because my eyes are closing without my permission.

16

(this is from a couple weeks ago, but i only found it just now:))
This is it. It's my last hour of being 15, and I didnt realize how much i would miss it until today. I love being 15. It's that age where you're still a kid, and you can still get away with alot, but people also trust you with alot too. It's different than being 12, where you're sort of trusted, but not really. And i like to think that being 16 can still be both. Because I dont want to grow up...not completely, anyways. I want to stay carefree, and young. But life moves on, so I am too. As much as I want to stay young, i also cant wait to see what else is out there for me. I want to see the new horizon, walk all the paths, and make alot of mistakes before finally finding the right one. So as much as I want to stay here in this little town, I also want to grow up, and make my own dreams into a reality. And also, tomorrow is my first day of school.
"Dear Friend, I am writing to you because she said you listen and understand, and didn't try to sleep with that person at that party even though you could have. Please don't try to figure out who she is, because then you might figure out who I am. And I really don't want you to."
This is about Charlie's journey, and his path, and i actually find it really interesting that everyone chooses differently, and there are no safe choices, and no choice is necessarily either good nor bad. I just want to live up to being 16, and I hope I can do that. One of the things I'm planning to do on the sixteenth year of my life is to write.a.ton.!
45 minutes and here we go.

SCHOOL TOMORROW

So, Tuesday is the big day...my birthday?!? Yes. But no, it's the first day of school. I've been preparing myself basically all summer and raising my confidence level to walk in the hallways. Ya, it sounds weird. But when you have anxiety issues, it kind of works beautifully. See, I used to be THAT girl. The one who couldn't stand up for herself, instead apologizing repeatedly for things that weren't even her fault. I don't even know when or how that all changed, but I do know that I would never let that happen the way I am now. I love my friends, and my family, and I would take a bullet for them, but I've also been burned in friendships. ALOT. Either I end up caring too much, or too little, and sometimes, you just can't win.
But this is another chance. When i walk into that building, no one knows the China-born Israeli American. So I have to make an impressionable impression. The one thing i'm happy about is that it won't be my first time walking into an unfamiliar room. 2 years ago, I took a class at Smith College, and knew no one. It was hard, but i taught myself to just live in the moment with these girls, and it worked. I ended up with 2 lifelong friends, and a couple quarter friends (people who will be there for you 15% of the time)
And this year, I took a summer course at Putney. To be honest, the first week was hell. I asked my parents if I could just stop going altogether, and complained about the people and the customs. But then, as i stayed more and more and gathered more and more friends, I began to slowly love it there. And i walked out of it with 2 really good friends, and one of my best guy friends. So I know i'm okay with new people...after all, if i can't do that, i might as well just throw in the towel now.
So there will definately be alot of challenges about this year-and i'm anticipating only some of them, but the best I can do now is just live in the moment, and handle it when it comes to me. I'll take it day by day, week by week, moment by moment.
And hey, if the odds aren't ever in my favor, at least Catching Fire comes out soon!
LOL

This Summer

Well this summer has been just a blast. Honestly. I mean there were some hard times, as there always are, and there were sad things too. Things like seeing how people move on when you're not there, while a little part of you is secretly hoping they don't. Things like the backward glance at your grandparents before you get on the plane and know you wont see them for yet another year. But I know all about goodbyes; I'm actually pretty experienced at them, considering i say goodbye to so many people so many times. You just have to look forward, throw your shoulders back, and put on a confident look, even if you're feeling anything but. That's one of my secret tricks for living.
And among the sad things, there have been really great things too. Like meeting all my friends from Maryland, and knowing I could fit in so easily there. Things like jumping right into the pool without even feeling the water first, clad in striped bikinis with one of your greatest friends. Things like dancing to Titanium with your sort-of boyfriend, and things like lying under the stars on a cloudy night only to have them finally move and have the shiny big dipper sitting there proudly.
I've learned a lot this summer, and made more out of it then I probably thought I would. And I wouldn't say I'm completely happy, hence the new school and everything, but i'm grateful for a lot of things. For one, this summer has taught me to be really thankful for my brothers- all 6 of them. I remember that phone call when my dad called from the hospital to say it was a boy, and i remember my face falling. But honestly, I couldn't imagine it any other way. And this is going to sound REALLY cliche, and im cringing while writing it, but i love and trust my brothers on lots and for lots of different ways. M for his humor and overprotectiveness, N for his ability to fix anything, R for just being my "sister" in the family and for always telling me the truth about how that outfit really looks. J for just being there and reminding me not to be so selfish, and B for just being himself. They were all there for me this summer, and I like to think i've prepared them for girlfriends and everything girly.
I've been called alot of nice things this summer, and I don't know if they are all true or not, but i think they wouldnt have been said if they weren't.
So I've done everything from watching Grey's Anatomy episodes till 5 in the morning, to taking a dare and walking to the edge of a slippery roof at 2 a.m, from taking a ten hour train ride to slow dancing on a skating ramp. And i love saying these things, because every time I think about, it makes me smile. And i'm going to need that for my new year, ALOT. So I know that I have 3 amazing friends that i made in Putney who will have my backs no matter what. I have to go to bed so im not late for my meeting tomorrow, but I just have to conclude my satisfaction that I made everything i could out of my summer, and for just being me, and not anyone else, and moving to a school that will probably help me in lots of ways too.
Bye for now:)

A little summery realization :)

How can you count the ways one changes in a year
and how do you know if you do, or how you do
everything is all a blur of seasons and colors and homework
and sometimes its easier to just bury yourself in it all
rather than look up at yourself in the mirror and ackowledge all the good things in your life
I for one, cant seem to stop looking over my shoulder
and its not always good, and there are many changes that happened over the year
but I know I can be proud of the person I am, who is strong and grows more so with every year
Doesn’t always do the right thing but tries and knows how to connect with people. But what if...
The words are uttered, and now it is too late to take them back. What if I had never gone, what if i had done this differently.
Life throws you all around and makes you question things at every turn twist and bend. But I think that Life just wants to make sure you are alive, and feeling, and doing what you love, and being who you love.
So, to count the ways I have changed this year. The answer is; I can’t. No one can go back up the road once you have taken the other way. You just have to trust yourself to know where to go next.

The Story

So here’s my life story in a tidbit: I was born in Hong Kong, China. We lived there for a year, then moved to Russia. We lived there for about a year or two, and then we moved to America, where we lived and stayed in Potomac for 9 years. When I was 12, and three days after my bat mitzah, my family made Aliyah to Israel for one year. Or rather, that was the plan. We ended up staying in Israel an additional 3 years and are currently living there during the year, and in Vermont during the summers. Almost every year, I try to go back and see my friends from my shool in MJBHA, in Maryland. Right now, as I’m writing this, I’m o a 10 hour train back to Brattleboro, Vermont. Seeing all my old friends was really fun and I think it was a good thing to do in order to stay in touch, but it made me sad and wistful in some ways. Like, I cant stop thinking about what and who I would’ve been if we would have just stayed for one year and then one back to our old house in Maryland. My life would’ve been completely different, and I cant figure out for the better or for the worse. Because right now, it’s not like im in the best place ever. I left the school that everyone expects me to go to till 12^th grade for a big public school with more classes and resources. I know that what I wanted was to leave Pelech, and I did. But I lost a safe experience, and being at my old school would’ve guaranteed me a four happy year of high school, in addition to being in a coed school. And that’s what I would’ve wanted. I was there for four days, and I managed to talk and  connect with people I wouldn’t have when I was twelve: Aria, Meg, Yarden, Yaffo, Bex, and more of those people who were actually the most popular people. And being popular is not the most important thing in the world to me. Really. But having a couple good, outgoing, and friendly people would have been a really good thing for me to have right now. And I fit right in. I did. I mean, people actually wanted to talk to me, and wanted to know what it was like for me. Even a couple of very cute boys recognized me. And I really liked that feeling of having a good crowd of friends and a jewish school with a mixed crowd. And Israel taught me to appreciate that which I missed out on. And for that and a lot of other reasons, I’m so glad I went to Israel I don’t regret it, and I don’t regret the person it turned me into…not at all. I like who I am- maybe I don’t live up to the rest of my family’s standards on a religious level, but I really do try to be friendly, and I know I am a very nice and funny person (and modest J) And I definitely would be the first to admit that If I had stayed in America for seventh grade, I wouldn’t have bee the same person; because when I left, there were a lot of internal and external appearances that I needed to change. Externally, my hair, although long and blond, was frizzy and never brushed. My teeth were crossed and crooked, I had funny glasses that never blended in, I was very flat, and had a weird way of dressing; it was very modest without actually matching anything. I know people go through those awkward years, but mine had me really immature and not very popular, and I had very weird eating habits. Internally, I wasn’t really trying to understand people and I was sort of mean and unfriendly. and that is EXACTLY how all of my friends remembered me as I left. Or did. Because I left on that plane and four years later (well I did go once two years ago but that visit was really short and kind of annoying) I came back and was a beautiful, wavy, voluminous, and non frizzy hair. My teeth, after a year and a half of dental work including headgear, retainers, and braces, were done. My braces were off, they were white, and smile worthy. Glasses were switched for contacts, and then I got a pair of glasses that I love and wear almost every day. My skin was flawless due to good and healthy eating habits and no excessive junk food (except for some daysJ) Beside from that, I really did grow physically in Israel. I got my period, wore bras-yes, push up ones too- and had a petite curvy figure. My way of dressing changed completely and in a kind of rebellious way, and that one also goes to Israel, because the attitude and general dress influenced me greatly and also turned me way from a lot. The day all my friends saw me again was a Saturday at synagogue. I was wearing a tight fitting green ruffled dress that I had gotten a couple days prior at Nordstrom Rack. It was curve hugging, but not too revealing. I loved it, and it definitely got attention from some girls, who asked me where it was from. I was also wearing cool earrings, which is kind of my obsession, metallic gladiators from Steve Madden that also got a lot of attention. I wore BB cream, blush, concealer, and Victoria’s Secret body spray. I know that a lot of girls were talking to me because of how I was dressed, but I was happy about that. Because I wasn’t trying to impress, not in that way. I was wearing what I thought was pretty, and that drew attention too, because I wasn’t flaunting a mini skirt, and I wasn’’t at all embarrassed about wearing it. And as for internal changes, my friend rated me a ten of ten on that scale. I was confident and composed, funny but wise, had a lot to talk about with these girls, even if it was tv shows . The point is, my personality and the way I dressed completely changed in these four happy golden years (lol) but I think people notice confidence in a person, and respect it. People wanted to know why I didn’t come back, boys included. Actually, a bunch of the boys were pretty awesome. And they were funny and real with me, even though they didn’t have to be, and I liked that. I really changed. One girl even said I should be a model, because I was gorgeous, and after that, I just felt like, if I come back now, it would be so easy. Academic wise, I would have to work really hard, but I know I could get it. Plus, even though im starting a new school that im psyched about, I already see that I fit in really good with this crowd. And I mean, really good. All I would have to do is just get closer to the people that I mentioned above, and I could really have a place in the class. Hell, if I went to the school, I am sure I would have a boyfriend from one of the boys I met. It would just be easy. But…Its also a dream, and a fantasy. Because I cant go to Maryland and live there now. I don’t have a house there, and I don’t go to the school. A part of me wants to be there, but I know I cant. Im starting a new school, in Israel. It will be a lot harder, because I don’t know anyone. But ill go to the army, and a medical school, and ill be whatever I want to be. And in living my life, I will probably lose this crowd who I was fitting in so well with yesterday. I mean, even crazy Rel wanted to meet me. And I am so thankful to Israel and the people in it for going easy and hard on me, for knowing fluent almost Hebrew, for gaining confidence and friendships, even if none of them will matter in a few months. I wouldn’t say I had the best high school two years of experience; ninth grade sucked, and in tenth grade, I was a rebel who had principals and teachers wagging their fingers at me from every corner. I had an imaginary ruler taped to my skirt, and I had to walk through a hallway full of female teachers giving me disapproving looks and calling me out and assuming things about me. What actually amazes me is that I could actually walk out of that still Jewish. Because it was really damn hard. I went through a really hard time, that I am still going through a little bit. I violated Shabbat, questioned God, never prayed, and was a bad influence on other people. But I established who I am, and although my parents had a very hard time accepting how I dress and how I act, they have more or less realized this is who I am, and if they try to change me, it might turn into something worse. Of course my mom and I have our rules about what I could and couldn’t wear. But it’s clothes I wouldn’t wear anyways, like corsets . I can do that when im in college if I want.
In the midst of this extremely hard time, I lost my best friend. Its complicated and mostly my fault. I was in a bad place, ad my insecurity and jealousy took over, even though I am embarrassed to say that. I was avoiding her, and she noticed. And maybe I wasn’t fair. Maybe. But she kind of changed herself, into someone I don’t know if I want to be very good friends with. Because of a lot of reasons. And I don’t completely understand myself yet, so I couldn’t say all of them yet. But im going to a new school, and I hope I can have a good experience there. I really do hope. Because if I cant, my life will consist of nonstop imagining me at the Hebrew Academy, and how much of a better time I would have had. So that is the story, however incredibly long and maybe unimportant. It’s the journey that I went through, where I discovered who I want to be, where I want to get in my life, who I want to be friends with, and who I don’t really. I think that I grew so much when I was in Israel, some of that is definitely good, and some of it certainly not so good. Being there really changed my view of the world, and my perspective about people and places, and because of that, I know I am different. But I am a much stronger person than I ever was. The world will test you from here until Saturday, and your best chance is to figure out how you are going to deal with the changes and challenges life throws at you. You can either let it define you, ruin you, or strengthen you. And I choose not to let it ruin me. So I didn’t get my dream life in Maryland. But I believe that it is good for me to be in Israel. I have to believe that I would gain more and be a better person and be more challenged because I am there, and not here. I just have to figure out a way to live with it, and I think im off to a good start. 

My Wish

Well, Spring Break is over. Honestly, i know how people say they get through a holiday and it changes them, but i did not feel that way. All i really did was spend time with family and friends, and i cant say that i got something enourmous out of it. And it just makes me feel a little sad knowing i dont have a lot to write here. Sometimes, i seriously just wish i was a charachter in a Nicholas Sparks book, who mmets an amazing guy who is perfect for her, and there is some beautiful background, like a beach, or a forest, or anything really. But no. Reality is so...
There are really a billion words to fill that blank, but there are two things that i do that really help me think about all this. The first one, obviously, is writing it down. I feel like it documents my life somehow, even though what i may be writing is complete crap and noone may ever see this. I dont know.
The secod thing i think would be running. Jogging, stretching walking in the reserve, anything really. If i see a new path, i take it. If i see an opening in the bushes, i look down it. Usually, i get some kind of a surprise. I wish life was kind of like that.
What else helps for anyone who might be in my place is learning new things. I've decided to study a new language, get new makeup, really ANYTHING that can get me a fresh new look or idea.
If there's something that i maybe need to change about how I act or what I do, i will look at it, and examine all the scenarios. But for now, i just really need to find new ways to be happy and successful.

Spring Breaker :)

So now its Spring Break, and since that monday night, i dont know whats going to change and whats not. But i mostly do know is that its not my life thats going to change really, its my friends'. I was a good friend that night, and i did find help in unexpected (sort of) places, but it didnt really get me anywhere that i can see. So i know that if i want a change in my life, i have to take it in my own hands to make a hange. But then begs the question: What would i do differently? I dont have a bad life; i have a good family, friends who support me (most of the time:)), things that i love to do, and plans ahead of me, such as: learning a new language, and going on a vacation in two days to the beach. My outlook on life for right now is to focus on the small things. I like to think of little things that make me happy instead of looking at the big semi-happy photo. Maybe it's just me, or maybe there really is nothing big to write about. Don't get me wrong or anything; i'm not depressed, and i do have things to look forward to. Sometimes they kind of blur though, because i dont know where or how to look. But i do know that i have to keep moving forward no matter what, and i cant look over my shoulder constantly. So what i am planning on doing is maybe setting goal for my vacation; something small to look forward to. I've given this piece of advice to my friends and found that when you look forward to the smaller things, the bigger things become more and more transparent. So im planning to start that new language, run along the beach every other day!, and meet at least one new person. I know its sounds weird because you usually don't plan out these things, they just happen. But i like to get some idea of what i want to do. Oh, and a tan :)
For a while now, to be honest, i have been really missing where I used to live...i look at pictures of all my friends at some basketball game, and i think for a second where i would be standing if i were still there. I do like it here, and its a great town, and this is my life, but i always will wonder what kind of a life i would have if i ever went back. Sometimes i bring it up, but i dont know if we would actually go back there. But see this-this is looking over my shoulder, and sometimes i cant help doing it.
So I'm just going to be open next week to anything tha may come my way, and anyone who's reading this should too!! And feel free to follow my blog!
Have a good spring break to everyone,
Hannah :)

This is just to say...

Today I learned that no matter how many romantic dramas/comedies one watches, they never get old. Ever. I re-watched the Lucky One for the 2nd time, and liked it even better the second. Some people may argue that the plot lacks a point, but i think Nicholas Sparks books and movies teach many important things about life. Yes, this may sound very cheesy, but i think that the way the characters are portrayed in the lucky one is what makes them so perfect. Just like in Dear John (which i have written about because of darling Savannah), the two men are soldiers in the US army. I think that all soldiers are amazing, not because of their looks (although in the movies, Channing Tatum, and Zac Efron NAIL it but not the point :)) but because of their dedication and loyalty to their country. Living in Israel, going to the army is such a natural subject to talk about, no one shies away from the question. Here, it is mandatory, and up until a certain point i didnt know how i felt about that. I still dont know how i feel about it. I know that war is dangerous, and every soldier that comes on the train makes me feel even safer. That's probably why in both movies, the people fall for the soldiers; because these people have amazing characteristics and qualities. Every day they are at war, they put their life at risk so that we can have our shots at living-excuse the pun-Not only are they brave, but they re dependable, trustworthy, clever, independant, and able to keep a clear head during the most dire of situations. I personally think that if asked that question who is a real man, i think it is a guy who has participated in some form of an army. Because being in the army really makes you appreciate everything you have, and the knowledge that nothing can be taken for granted. I think it is one of the most brave things men or women can do, and i know this is going to sound weird, but without a doubt, i want to eventually marry someone who was in the army. Basically, i just think it is an amazing and courageous thing that one can do. Maybe im too hopped up on Nicholas Sparks books, but that's what i think.
Anyways, it's 1 in the morning now, and i think im going to go to sleep, because tomorrow i cannot let myself spend another day in bed. Not that i dont love days like these, but i need to actually go outside and create my own story, not just follow stories from Dear John, The Lucky One, Safe Haven, etc. However amazing and wonderful these movies may be.
Thats it for today:) have an amazing spring break!

In the middle of the night

There are nights that are just overwhelming. Like tonight. So i'm sitting at my laptop on this morning at 4:10, and thinking about how this night was not like any other. I had to step up in a very difficult situation (let me just say no one else was "available" to make decisions) and i helped in ways that i feel had i not, everyone would still be back there. After tonight, i learned that i really do have my friends backs, and iim not saying this to be egoistic or anything, promise. I just dont know how many people would sneak out of their house at 3:30 in the morning to give their friend a phone, clothes, and other toiletries. My reasons? i really dont know, and i guess thats what scares me. Did i do this to save my friend? or because i didnt want her to do what she was doing? because i didnt think it was right. And i know, in the end, that was what she wanted me to do, but it took so much willpower to actually go through with everything. And now i dont know where i stand-with her, with the guy who is trusting me with a big secret, or with anyone else who was with me that night. All i know is, no one can know about it. Because if anyone does, alot of people's reputations are going to be seriously damaged.
I did take control of the situation, and i did feel people thinking they could rely on me, and i do like that feeling. but why do i feel like i cant find the right reason for doing what i did?
Anyways, the world is funny that way. Some continents move around constantly, never satisfied, while other remain solid. I think people are like that in a way. Some people dont take moving on well, some find it easy. I dont know which group i fall into, but i do know that i want to cover some more firsts in order to find out :)
Goodnight (or should i say Good Morning?!)
Hannah :)

Dear John -.-

Ok. So i just finished watching Dear John, and i thought it was very good- up until the part where i completely wanted to slap this girl Savannah, for breaking John's amazing heart :) So this Savannah bitch "waits" for him, but just cracks and leaves him for someone she will NEVER love as much!?! this is obvious to everyone in the book,especially Tim, her lame husband, who simply sttes it like it is: "she never looks at me the way she looks at you. and she still loves you. I wish i could change that but i cant"
Basically, Savannah just screwed up her life. Majorly. Honestly, there are going to be people (and i thought of this as well), who will say that she did the right thing by marrying Tim and dedicating-SACRIFICING even-her life for theirs. But i completely disagree with her choice. If there is any freaking thing a Nicholas Sparks book has ever taught me, its not to give up on the ones you love most. In every story, no matter how hard it is, the two characters push through all the difficulties, and see through them. And the fact remains that Savannah couldn't wait for him. Savannah couldn't wait for a guy who every single day, puts his life at risk for his country, and so she herself can be safe. But apparently, that doesnt really matter.
I know enough about cancer to know that when someone is diagnosed with Stage 4 Lymnphoma, there is not much else that is left but a certain amount of time, depending on the treatment type. So naturually, John sells his fathers whole collection, the only thing that he has left of his father that they both once loved, and he sells it. Why? in order to make Savannah happy, if only for a while. Which shows the kind of love and sacrifice John makes for a girl that couldnt even bring herself to call him on the phone to tell him she was leaving him. Its like a bruno mars song all over again. Also, i would love to know how old Tim is, because not to be picky about age, but im willing to bet there is at least 25 years there. soo....
I just think that to conclude, I did not like Savannah's character at all. She couldnt wait for the man who was the love of her life, and she sacrificed the amazing life she could've had with him. Which is amazingly honorable, dont get me wrong. The kind of selflessness that takes is unbeilevable. And yet, ultimately pointless.
Because she doesnt, and will never, love Tim in that way, as she says herself "what was i supposed to do? I didnt have a choice, Tim needed my help.. they both did"
But she wasnt thinking of what she wanted, and in the end, your own happiness is key in your life. Plus not too mention, she basically ripped out John's heart in the middle of when he was at war. Savannah gave up. She just didnt wait, and that is unforgivable. And after she sent that letter, i found myself not being able to even look at her without wanting to punch her. The best part was when she says to john "So, ill see you around?" just like it was 4 years ago. That basically shows that she is not over him, not by a mile. When he doesnt, and cant bring himself to repeat the phrase, i was realieved he didnt try to pretend like everything was ok. Savannah, at this, begins to cry, because she realized what she lost. That that kind of loss is absolutely impossible to undo, and she must live with her colossal mistake.
All in all, John came out the hero, and Savannah let life control her, a characteristic that led her to where she is at the end of the movie.