So, Tuesday is the big day...my birthday?!? Yes. But no, it's the first day of school. I've been preparing myself basically all summer and raising my confidence level to walk in the hallways. Ya, it sounds weird. But when you have anxiety issues, it kind of works beautifully. See, I used to be THAT girl. The one who couldn't stand up for herself, instead apologizing repeatedly for things that weren't even her fault. I don't even know when or how that all changed, but I do know that I would never let that happen the way I am now. I love my friends, and my family, and I would take a bullet for them, but I've also been burned in friendships. ALOT. Either I end up caring too much, or too little, and sometimes, you just can't win.
But this is another chance. When i walk into that building, no one knows the China-born Israeli American. So I have to make an impressionable impression. The one thing i'm happy about is that it won't be my first time walking into an unfamiliar room. 2 years ago, I took a class at Smith College, and knew no one. It was hard, but i taught myself to just live in the moment with these girls, and it worked. I ended up with 2 lifelong friends, and a couple quarter friends (people who will be there for you 15% of the time)
And this year, I took a summer course at Putney. To be honest, the first week was hell. I asked my parents if I could just stop going altogether, and complained about the people and the customs. But then, as i stayed more and more and gathered more and more friends, I began to slowly love it there. And i walked out of it with 2 really good friends, and one of my best guy friends. So I know i'm okay with new people...after all, if i can't do that, i might as well just throw in the towel now.
So there will definately be alot of challenges about this year-and i'm anticipating only some of them, but the best I can do now is just live in the moment, and handle it when it comes to me. I'll take it day by day, week by week, moment by moment.
And hey, if the odds aren't ever in my favor, at least Catching Fire comes out soon!
LOL
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Saturday, August 24, 2013
This Summer
Well this summer has been just a blast. Honestly. I mean there were some hard times, as there always are, and there were sad things too. Things like seeing how people move on when you're not there, while a little part of you is secretly hoping they don't. Things like the backward glance at your grandparents before you get on the plane and know you wont see them for yet another year. But I know all about goodbyes; I'm actually pretty experienced at them, considering i say goodbye to so many people so many times. You just have to look forward, throw your shoulders back, and put on a confident look, even if you're feeling anything but. That's one of my secret tricks for living.
And among the sad things, there have been really great things too. Like meeting all my friends from Maryland, and knowing I could fit in so easily there. Things like jumping right into the pool without even feeling the water first, clad in striped bikinis with one of your greatest friends. Things like dancing to Titanium with your sort-of boyfriend, and things like lying under the stars on a cloudy night only to have them finally move and have the shiny big dipper sitting there proudly.
I've learned a lot this summer, and made more out of it then I probably thought I would. And I wouldn't say I'm completely happy, hence the new school and everything, but i'm grateful for a lot of things. For one, this summer has taught me to be really thankful for my brothers- all 6 of them. I remember that phone call when my dad called from the hospital to say it was a boy, and i remember my face falling. But honestly, I couldn't imagine it any other way. And this is going to sound REALLY cliche, and im cringing while writing it, but i love and trust my brothers on lots and for lots of different ways. M for his humor and overprotectiveness, N for his ability to fix anything, R for just being my "sister" in the family and for always telling me the truth about how that outfit really looks. J for just being there and reminding me not to be so selfish, and B for just being himself. They were all there for me this summer, and I like to think i've prepared them for girlfriends and everything girly.
I've been called alot of nice things this summer, and I don't know if they are all true or not, but i think they wouldnt have been said if they weren't.
So I've done everything from watching Grey's Anatomy episodes till 5 in the morning, to taking a dare and walking to the edge of a slippery roof at 2 a.m, from taking a ten hour train ride to slow dancing on a skating ramp. And i love saying these things, because every time I think about, it makes me smile. And i'm going to need that for my new year, ALOT. So I know that I have 3 amazing friends that i made in Putney who will have my backs no matter what. I have to go to bed so im not late for my meeting tomorrow, but I just have to conclude my satisfaction that I made everything i could out of my summer, and for just being me, and not anyone else, and moving to a school that will probably help me in lots of ways too.
Bye for now:)
And among the sad things, there have been really great things too. Like meeting all my friends from Maryland, and knowing I could fit in so easily there. Things like jumping right into the pool without even feeling the water first, clad in striped bikinis with one of your greatest friends. Things like dancing to Titanium with your sort-of boyfriend, and things like lying under the stars on a cloudy night only to have them finally move and have the shiny big dipper sitting there proudly.
I've learned a lot this summer, and made more out of it then I probably thought I would. And I wouldn't say I'm completely happy, hence the new school and everything, but i'm grateful for a lot of things. For one, this summer has taught me to be really thankful for my brothers- all 6 of them. I remember that phone call when my dad called from the hospital to say it was a boy, and i remember my face falling. But honestly, I couldn't imagine it any other way. And this is going to sound REALLY cliche, and im cringing while writing it, but i love and trust my brothers on lots and for lots of different ways. M for his humor and overprotectiveness, N for his ability to fix anything, R for just being my "sister" in the family and for always telling me the truth about how that outfit really looks. J for just being there and reminding me not to be so selfish, and B for just being himself. They were all there for me this summer, and I like to think i've prepared them for girlfriends and everything girly.
I've been called alot of nice things this summer, and I don't know if they are all true or not, but i think they wouldnt have been said if they weren't.
So I've done everything from watching Grey's Anatomy episodes till 5 in the morning, to taking a dare and walking to the edge of a slippery roof at 2 a.m, from taking a ten hour train ride to slow dancing on a skating ramp. And i love saying these things, because every time I think about, it makes me smile. And i'm going to need that for my new year, ALOT. So I know that I have 3 amazing friends that i made in Putney who will have my backs no matter what. I have to go to bed so im not late for my meeting tomorrow, but I just have to conclude my satisfaction that I made everything i could out of my summer, and for just being me, and not anyone else, and moving to a school that will probably help me in lots of ways too.
Bye for now:)
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