Wake Up Call

I've been wanting to write all of this down for ages; I haven't written since September and that is not good. I promised myself that this year I would write all the time, even if it was just about those random thoughts in my head. Like those plot lines you get in your head and think, wow, this could be the new Divergent. It's probably best I steer clear from talking about the trilogy as I can't seem to do so without crying. LOL. Anyways, these past three months have been pretty interesting, sometimes for the worse and often for the better. I went to a camp, met a guy, managed to still keep in touch with him (though i think of him as a friend and nothing more now), started a new school, walked through doors into completely unknown territory. I didn't know anyone, and I know I could've backed out of it at the last moment. But I also know that if I had done that, and kept going to my old school, there would be problems. And it wouldn't even matter if my friends or relatives judged me for it, because I would have hated myself for not having the guts. I've never been one to be severely depressed, and i'm not on pills, I don't self-harm, and thankfully I have a good life. Sure, there are a million and a half complications, such as what I have to go through with my mom and dad every day about my school. Although, the fact is that alot of my problems have been solved, or are in progress.
If this song by maroon 5 teaches me anything, it's that if you have a problem, you should probably think about rationally solving it first. Before having to "shoot him dead" so he "won't come around here anymore". I should think about solving the problem. In the last 2 months, I have said a couple things that were either untrue or an exaggeration of the truth, and that is something that definately stays with me every day and makes it pretty damn hard to move on from anything, really. The question is, what happens after? Either I can try to take back what I said, or I can become the person my lies depict me as. The first one seems to be the only rational choice; whats the point of living if your life is a lie?
So I'm trying to do just that; be honest, but not reveal too much. Just act like myself. Nobody ever said life was easy, but it is easy to fall down the wrong road. For now, i think my problems can be sorted according to their influence on my life. For example, homework is a problem I am capable of fixing. But then there's one of my main problems, the way I feel about how my family acts toward religion. I wonder if I'll ever be able to get over it. By "it", i mean my total disagreement of how certain things should be done. Unlike my family, i have no problem watching T.V on a saturday. Why?
When I was still going to a religious school and learning about all the stories the bible has to teach, something happened. I don't really know when or how but i guess I just stopped listening. I remember the day my teacher was talking to me about god. I remember telling her that I wasn't even sure there was a god, and if there was, he certainly wasn't watching over my life. Then there was a long pause, a deafening silence, like the moment before the ax swings down, because my teacher didn't even know what to say to me.
And now, I am happier than I was before. Granted, the friend thing is h-a-r-d. But I know that I'm generally a likable person (I know this because I have this game I play called If You Suddenly Died, How Many People Do You Think Would Come To Your Funeral? Morbid. i know..)
This is to be continued because my eyes are closing without my permission.